The guys in the office are performing a ritual sacrifice and I can't abide the sight of blood (not in those quantities), so I won't be coming in until they're done (and cleaned up).
If you need anything while I'm away, you can go and see Lou, Rosie, or Lindsay - but don't interrupt the incantation, or they'll pluck out your heart.
I'm out of the office until Monday 19th September 2016
The people found me last night, aimlessly wondering the streets and so, naturally, they called the authorities.
Then the van turned up, then they shoved me into the back and drove off.
They put me in a cage in the corner and I'm not too sure what's going to happen now, but I'm definitely not going to make it into work, so call Rosie, Lou or Lindsay if you need anything.
If you do speak to the guys in the office, make sure and tell them to get me out of here. They'll need to turn up with proof of address and a record of my most recent vaccinations.
Then the van turned up, then they shoved me into the back and drove off.
They put me in a cage in the corner and I'm not too sure what's going to happen now, but I'm definitely not going to make it into work, so call Rosie, Lou or Lindsay if you need anything.
If you do speak to the guys in the office, make sure and tell them to get me out of here. They'll need to turn up with proof of address and a record of my most recent vaccinations.
I'm out of the office until Thursday 8th september 2016
I organised a meeting this week, inviting only one person - me.
In this meeting we were to discuss my poor record of attendance at work.
Unfortunately, shortly after sending out the invitation I received a phone call from myself in which I offered my apologies, saying that, sadly, I would be out of the office until Thursday 8th September and therefore unable to attend.
I then referred myself to Lindsay if I had any further queries and bid myself a very good day.
The minutes of the meeting will reflect that we were unable to establish a quorum.
In this meeting we were to discuss my poor record of attendance at work.
Unfortunately, shortly after sending out the invitation I received a phone call from myself in which I offered my apologies, saying that, sadly, I would be out of the office until Thursday 8th September and therefore unable to attend.
I then referred myself to Lindsay if I had any further queries and bid myself a very good day.
The minutes of the meeting will reflect that we were unable to establish a quorum.
I'm out of the office until Monday 5th September 2016
We had a massive clear out the other day and now the office looks just spiffy.
Turns out there was a whole heap of stuff we didn't need, so we bagged it all up and sent it off to be recycled.
What we didn't realise was that we'd been a bit overzealous and got rid of all my work days from 22nd August to 2nd September.
Sensibly, Lou, Rosie and Lindsay kept all theirs in a safe place, so they'll be around to help you out while I'm away.
You should also know that all of my hours at work are obtained from sustainable sources.
Turns out there was a whole heap of stuff we didn't need, so we bagged it all up and sent it off to be recycled.
What we didn't realise was that we'd been a bit overzealous and got rid of all my work days from 22nd August to 2nd September.
Sensibly, Lou, Rosie and Lindsay kept all theirs in a safe place, so they'll be around to help you out while I'm away.
You should also know that all of my hours at work are obtained from sustainable sources.
I'm out of the office until Monday 15th August 2016
The tests are back in and because of a rare genetic abnormality (from my mother's side), it seems that I'm slowly turning into tasty cakes.
It doesn't affect how I work, but the problem is that all the people in the office keep sneaking up and nibbling bits off me.
Without treatment, the condition will only worsen, so I'm taking some time off to convalesce.
Equally, if I stay at work, I'll be preyed upon by my colleagues until there's nothing left.
If you need anything while I'm away you can contact Rosie, Lou or Lindsay.
No, Lindsay! Leave my current buns alone!
It doesn't affect how I work, but the problem is that all the people in the office keep sneaking up and nibbling bits off me.
Without treatment, the condition will only worsen, so I'm taking some time off to convalesce.
Equally, if I stay at work, I'll be preyed upon by my colleagues until there's nothing left.
If you need anything while I'm away you can contact Rosie, Lou or Lindsay.
No, Lindsay! Leave my current buns alone!
I'm out of the office until Monday 8th August 2016
Our work has always been a beautifully choreographed ballet of endeavour.
For us to function so perfectly together, each of our movements must flow seamlessly from one to the next.
Unfortunately, I dance like a spanner, so I tend not to be in so much.
If you need anything while I'm away contact Rosie, Lou or Lindsay.
For us to function so perfectly together, each of our movements must flow seamlessly from one to the next.
Unfortunately, I dance like a spanner, so I tend not to be in so much.
If you need anything while I'm away contact Rosie, Lou or Lindsay.
I'm out of the office until Wednesday 27th July 2016
The practical jokers in the office put a whoopee cushion on my chair and it frightened me clear into next week, so I'll be out of the office until Wednesday 27th July.
If you need anything while I'm away you can contact Rosie, Lou or Lindsay.
If you need anything while I'm away you can contact Rosie, Lou or Lindsay.
I'm out of the office until Monday 18th July 2016
Now that I'm all done with the charity bank heist and the "bath of lager", I've ticked off pretty much everything on my bucket list.
But, because I forgot to order the list in terms of things that are most exciting, the only thing left to do is to leave the office on 13th July, go somewhere else and return on Monday 18th.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Rosie or Lou.
But, because I forgot to order the list in terms of things that are most exciting, the only thing left to do is to leave the office on 13th July, go somewhere else and return on Monday 18th.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Rosie or Lou.
I'm out of the office until Monday 11th July 2016
Like everyone, I've got a switch in my house that doesn't seem to do anything.
Normally we leave it off, just 'cos we reckon it's safer that way.
But the other day I thought I'd flick it on and see what what happens.
Turns out it stops me going to work, so I'll be out of the office until Monday 11th July.
If you need anything while I'm out, you can contact Lou or Rosie - they're permanently switched on.
To be clear, that's "switched" and not "turned".
Normally we leave it off, just 'cos we reckon it's safer that way.
But the other day I thought I'd flick it on and see what what happens.
Turns out it stops me going to work, so I'll be out of the office until Monday 11th July.
If you need anything while I'm out, you can contact Lou or Rosie - they're permanently switched on.
To be clear, that's "switched" and not "turned".
I'm out of the office until Monday 18th July 2016
So you wanted some help and you got an automated response - well boo hoo.
Think you can just mail me and expect me to be in? THINK AGAIN!!
Now, don't just sit there like sorry sack of mope, pull yourself together, get back to the keyboard and contact Lou.
She'll be able to sort you out, but don't expect an easy ride - we're fresh out of sympathy.
And manners.
Think you can just mail me and expect me to be in? THINK AGAIN!!
Now, don't just sit there like sorry sack of mope, pull yourself together, get back to the keyboard and contact Lou.
She'll be able to sort you out, but don't expect an easy ride - we're fresh out of sympathy.
And manners.
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