I'm out of the office until Wednesday 19th October 2022

I've accidentally set the snooze on my alarm clock for two weeks, so I'll be back on Wednesday 19th October.

You can contact Jo, Carolyn or Dana if you need anything in the meantime.

I'm out of the office until Monday 28th March 2022

I'm undergoing a firmware upgrade, so I'll be out of the office waiting for the progress bar to finish before a full reboot.

If you need anything in the meantime, please contact Jo.

Updated features will include a new colour scheme and interactive trousers.

I'm out of the office until Monday 28th February 2022

I'm under the impression that you're out to get me, so I've left the office until Monday to avoid whatever it is you're planning. 
If you need anything while I'm away, you should contact Carolyn. 
I say "anything", but of course my premature return is off the table. 

I'm out of the office until Monday 7th February 2022

There's a very low probability that I'll be in the office before Monday 7th February. It's so unlikely, that you'd be wise to assume I'm not there.

If you need anything while I'm sure to be away, you should almost certainly contact Jo, who is definitely excellent.


I'm out of the office until Monday 24th January 2022

After attending a ten step course on avoiding responsibility (in which we were encouraged to leave after the first four steps), I'll be out of the office until next Monday.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Jo.

I'm out of the office until Monday 17th January 2022

Following an increase in admin, I've sustained a lot of paper cuts and I'm avoiding all potentially lemon juice based activities - including work.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Jo.

I'm out of the office until Monday 29th November 2021

After being mistaken for a stray, I've been sent to the dogs' home, so if you need anything while I'm waiting for a new owner, you can contact Jo. 
(I've been deloused and come fully house trained if it helps sway your decision) 

I'm out of the office until Monday 15th November 2021

I'm picking a different theme at work each week to spice things up a bit. This week's theme is not being here.

Contact Jo if you need any help while I'm away.

I'm out of the office until Monday 8th November 2021

 I’ve recently been attending a short course on writing messages providing information for people who want to get in touch with me in my absence.

It wasn’t very good, so contact Jo if you need any help while I'm away.

I'm out of the office until Wednesday 20th October 2021

My parents warned me about people who sneak up behind you while you work and steal you away from your desk for a few days.

Like a foolish child, I ignored them and now I'll be out of the office until Wednesday 20th October.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Jo.