I'm out of the office until Monday 26th February 2018

My current absence can be explained by a combination of two things:
a) Mistaking the local boxing club for the venue of our quarterly drinks evening.
b) Asking if I can have a large punch.

I'm told I'll be ready to leave hospital and return to work on 26th Feb.

If you need anything while I'm healing, you can contact Rosie.

I'm out of the office until Monday 12th February 2018

My wife suggested I get out more, so I agreed to join one of the local clubs.
As luck would have it, it turned out to be a club for people who like being out of the office until Monday 12th February, which is great, because that's when I'm out of the office until.

Rosie and Lou are members of a club for people who can help you while I'm away. In fact I think they run it.

I'm out of the office until Monday 5th February 2018

If you don't really need this out of office reply, please consider donating it to someone who really needs it.

In the meantime you can contact Rosie or Lou if you require help while I'm away.

I'm out of the office until Monday 22nd January 2018

I am out of the office on a secret mission involving chocolate and television and will return on Monday 22nd January.

If you need anything while I'm away, please contact Lou or Rosie.

I'm out of the office until Monday 15th January 2018

As I am out of the office until 15th January, you should follow the instructions below:

Press button A if you need help from Rosie or Lou while I'm away from the office.
Press button B if you cannot see button A.
If neither buttons A or B are visible, press button C and a technician will be with you shortly.

Don't press button D.

I'm out of the office until Friday 5th January 2018

I went to the doctor's yesterday. He sat me down and told me that it looks like I'll have to be at work all week.
After I'd gotten over the shock, I asked him if there was anything that I could do and he gave me some pills that he said would at least keep me off work until Friday.

He also gave me some other pills that'll get Rosie to help out in case you need anything while I'm away.
Obviously you'll have to figure out how to get her to take them, but then you'll be sorted.

I'm out of the office until Tuesday 2nd January 2017

The cleaners have buffed everything in the office to such a high shine that I've slipped right off my chair, through the door, down the road and out of the country.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Rosie or Lou - although you may have to wait a bit for them to answer, the phones got cleaned as well and now they're too slippery to pick up.

I'm out of the office until Tuesday 29th September 2017

There's elections in Kenya, as you're probably aware.
What you won't know is that, following a catastrophic spelling error in one of the presidential candidate's campaign literature, I'm now in the running for high office.

They sent a limo round and picked me up this morning, so I'll be out of the office until I can either straighten this out, or try to implement the radical reforms that my supporters have been demanding for so long.

Contact Rosie if you need anything while I'm away.

I'm out of the office until Wednesday 23rd August 2017

I've been making my own calendars recently and it's proving to be both cost-effective and therapeutic.
Naturally, as this is the first time I've done it, I'm bound to have made some mistakes. For instance, all the days for the next two weeks are missing, so it looks like I'll be away until 23rd August.

If you need anything while I'm off, you can contact Rosie, Lou or Kristin.

The upside to all this, is that there's now an extra month called "Fabruary" - looking forward to that one.

I'm out of the office until Tuesday 18th July 2017

I was searching for an online course to increase my productivity at work and eventually settled for one that promised "Results in no time".

What can I say? I've subsequently discovered that it's a scam and it turns out that I've actually been learning how to be LESS productive, so I'll be out of the office until Tuesday 18th July.

If you need anything while I'm off, you can contact Rosie or Lou.

Just so you're aware, I'll likely be lazy and disorganised when I get back, until I can find another, more reliable source of training.