I'm out of the office until Monday 16th August 2021

This is the first time I've managed to balance a pencil on my nose and I want to see how long I can keep it going.

Understandably I'm not going anywhere 'till I drop it.

If you need anything while I'm out of the office, you can contact Jo. 

I'm out of the office until Monday 9th August 2021

My braces got caught on the door handle and every time I try to leave for work I end up being flung back against the door.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Jo. 

I'm out of the office until Monday 19th July 2021

Taking advantage of the move to flexible working arrangements, I've decided to be out of the office from home.

If you find this confusing, or if you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Carolyn.

I'm out of the office until Tuesday 12th July 2021

I've finally managed to get out of the hole I've figuratively dug for myself and I'm taking a couple of days off to recover from the effort. You could even say that this is an "out of orifice" reply, but only metaphorically speaking.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Phoebe.

I'm out of the office until 28th June 2020

I've fallen through a worm hole and can't get out (because of the physics), so I'll be away from the office until I can cross the event horizon.

If you need anything while I'm away, please contact Jo.

Surprised to see there are actual worms here.

I'm out of the office until 22nd June 2021

I've learned to fly by closing my eyes and saying the magic words, so I'll be out of the office until Tuesday, cruising the skies.

If you need anything while I'm away, please contact Jo.

Alternatively say my name three times, while waving a sprig of heather and I'll appear before you.

I'm out of the office until January 2nd 2020

I'm currently trying to get every last little bit out of a jar of Marmite, which means I'll probably be out of the office until January 2nd.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Sam or Lou.

Obviously it is a very tasty spread, but I can't help feeling that this obsession says much more about me than it does about the Marmite.

I'm out of the office until Monday 8th July 2019

I'm on an expedition to the Andes so I'll be out of the office until Monday 8th July.

You may be interested to know that, before we reach the mountains, our journey will take us to the end of the Wristies. In addition, we'll be travelling through a number of towns and villages, all of whom have names based on the punchlines to trite jokes.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Sam.

I'm out of the office until Wednesday 21st February 2019

I've been seeing a therapist recently so that I can finally try dispel the misconception I've always had that I'll be in the office from 13th until 20th February.

Yesterday we had a breakthrough.

I'll be out of the office until 21st February. If you need anything while I'm away, you should contact Lou.

There! I said it.

My God, that feels good.

I'm out of the office until Wednesday 2nd January 2019

Years ago I started a software company with a friend of mine.
We had one simple goal - to automatically deliver a message to anyone looking to get in touch with me via email, informing them about my absence from work over a specific period of time.

Finally, here's the result: I'll be out of the office until Wednesday 2nd January 2019.