I'm out of the office until Monday 24th January 2022

After attending a ten step course on avoiding responsibility (in which we were encouraged to leave after the first four steps), I'll be out of the office until next Monday.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Jo.

I'm out of the office until Monday 17th January 2022

Following an increase in admin, I've sustained a lot of paper cuts and I'm avoiding all potentially lemon juice based activities - including work.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Jo.

I'm out of the office until Monday 29th November 2021

After being mistaken for a stray, I've been sent to the dogs' home, so if you need anything while I'm waiting for a new owner, you can contact Jo. 
(I've been deloused and come fully house trained if it helps sway your decision) 

I'm out of the office until Monday 15th November 2021

I'm picking a different theme at work each week to spice things up a bit. This week's theme is not being here.

Contact Jo if you need any help while I'm away.

I'm out of the office until Monday 8th November 2021

 I’ve recently been attending a short course on writing messages providing information for people who want to get in touch with me in my absence.

It wasn’t very good, so contact Jo if you need any help while I'm away.

I'm out of the office until Wednesday 20th October 2021

My parents warned me about people who sneak up behind you while you work and steal you away from your desk for a few days.

Like a foolish child, I ignored them and now I'll be out of the office until Wednesday 20th October.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Jo.

I'm out of the office until Tuesday 12th October 2021

 What's a nice person like you doing looking for a person who isn't here like me?

If you need any more catchy out-of-office-themed pickup lines, either wait till I return on 12th October, or contact Jo, who will probably tell you not to encourage me.

I'm out of the office until Friday 29th September 2021

 I was intending to avoid writing an out of office reply, but as you can see, I've failed.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Jo.

I'm out of the office until Monday 16th August 2021

This is the first time I've managed to balance a pencil on my nose and I want to see how long I can keep it going.

Understandably I'm not going anywhere 'till I drop it.

If you need anything while I'm out of the office, you can contact Jo. 

I'm out of the office until Monday 9th August 2021

My braces got caught on the door handle and every time I try to leave for work I end up being flung back against the door.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Jo.