I'm out of the office until Monday 31st October 2016

Following the mental breakdown of my cosmetic surgeon, a routine botox session went horribly wrong and I now look uncannily like Barry Manilow.

The worst part is that my house has been surrounded by late middle-aged women, desperate to tear off my clothes and there's just no way I can get out of the house, so you should probably get in touch with Rosie if you need help with anything.

I'm out of the office until Friday 21st October 2016

There's a loose connection in one of my wires, so I'll be working sporadically for the next few days and you won't be able to rely on me at all.

Best give Rosie, Lou or Lindsay a call if you need anything.

I'm out of the office until Wednesday 12th October 2016

I've been carried away by a giant bird (likely and Andean condor), so I'll be out of the office until something equally unlikely brings me back (probably a lynx).

If you need anything while I'm away, contact Lou, Lindsay or Rosie.