I'm out of the office until Thursday 3rd December 2015

I've become one of the Greats, so I've taken a couple of days off to find out what I've done that's so awesome.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay or Lou.

I'm out of the office until Thursday 26th November 2015

I've been hoist by my own petard, so I won't be around for a few days.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay or Lou.

I'm out of the office until Friday 20th November 2015

Just met a mate of mine on the way to work.
He managed to get some cash off his old man, so we're buying some sweets and fags and bunking off for a few days.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay and Lou.

With regards to the fags thing, I've told him all about the health risks and we've agreed to just eat the sweets.

I'm out of the office until Tuesday 17th November 2015

I'm hiding from your lascivious gaze, so I'll be out of the office until you're prepared to view me with the respect and decency I deserve.

If you need anything while I'm away, just contact Lindsay or Lou. They're significantly more thick-skinned.

I'm out of the office until Monday 9th November 2015

I'm in a WWF (yes, the wrestling one) tag-team match, so I'll be out of the office until I've body-slammed Billy "the Guns" Brady and handed back to my partner to finish him off.

If you need anything while I'm away you can contact Lindsay or Lou.

Man, these pants are tight.