I'm out of the office until Wednesday 2nd January 2019

Years ago I started a software company with a friend of mine.
We had one simple goal - to automatically deliver a message to anyone looking to get in touch with me via email, informing them about my absence from work over a specific period of time.

Finally, here's the result: I'll be out of the office until Wednesday 2nd January 2019.

I'm out of the office until Thursday 18th October 2018

I was in a high stakes poker game last night and gambled away everything - my money, my car, my cats, my family, the jar of marmite I keep under the desk next to my shoes.
The only thing I had left to lose at the end of it all was the work I was going to do on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Predictably, I blew that too, so I'll be out of the office until Thursday.

If you need anything you can contact Rosie - she won big, so she'll be in all week.

I'm out of the office until Monday 15th October 2018

I'm always worried that I'll have to come into the office and then do some work.
So it's with a great sense of relief that I can tell you I won't be in until Monday.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Sam or Kristin.

I am of course joking.
I live for my work and will be inconsolable until the weekend is finally over.

I'm out of the office until Monday 8th October 2018

I've painted myself into a corner, so I won't be in the office until the paint's dried.

The can says "touch dry in two days", but I'm going to leave it until Monday, just to be on the safe side.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Kristin or Sam.

I am out of the office until Friday 28th September 2018

Please print out and complete the form below. When you have done so, scan it and email it to Sam and Rosie.

I am in need of assistance in the absence of ...........................
(insert name of person from whom you need assistance)
Tip: you'll need to put my name in here.

I have already completed the requisite form declaring when I am absent from work until. You may find it useful, so here's a copy of the relevant section:

I'll be back in the office on Friday.

I'm out of the office until Monday 24th September 2018

I'm away from the office right now.

If you need to get hold of me, just turn to page 15 in the instruction manual and refer to the section entitled "I need to get hold of you, but you're out of the office right now."

If you don't have a copy the instruction manual you can contact Kristin.Rathje@Specsavers.com and she'll send you one.

Alternatively you can contact Kristin and ask her how to get hold of me.

I'm out of the office until Monday 17th September 2018

Someone left a package outside my front door this morning.
Inside was a box filled with (and I could hardly believe it) two days off work.
Neither of them was really my colour, but you know, gift horse and all that.

If you need anything while I'm off, you can contact Sam or Rosie.

I'm out of the office until Monday 30th July 2018

I've been feeling a little hoarse recently, but it's become much worse over the last few days and he's run off while I was holding the reins, dragging me out of the office.

If you need anything while I'm trying to cut myself loose, you can call me on the mobile.

Spelling never my strong suit.

I'm out of the office until Wednesday 18th July 2018

I'm on a show called "I'm not a celebrity, get me out of the office", where people who aren't famous try to leave the office.

Newsflash: I'VE WON!!!!!!!!

If you need anything while I'm away you can contact Rosie or Kristin.

I'm out of the office until Monday 9th July 2018

As a dare I wrote my out of office message in 40 foot high letters on a pitch black hillside with white paint (in a sans serif font). Here's a picture of it:

I am out of the office until Monday 9th July.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Kristin.Rathje@specsavers.com or Rosie.LeFriec@Specsavers.com.

I'm out of the office until Friday 11th May 2018

I'm attending a course to learn more about efficiently managing my absence from work, so I'll be out the office until Friday 11th May.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Rosie or Kristin.

I'm out of the office until Monday 30th April 2018

People ask me "How do you keep your hair looking so great?"
It's simple, I just leave the office until Monday 30th April and my hair just naturally takes on that beautiful salon shine and volume.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Kristin or Rosie - because you're worth it.

I'm out of the office until Wednesday 7th March

If you're contacting me to ask for something and I come across a little distant, it's because I've gone somewhere far away.

Should you still need help with whatever it is, get in touch with Rosie, who will appear much closer by comparison.

I'm out of the office until Monday 26th February 2018

My current absence can be explained by a combination of two things:
a) Mistaking the local boxing club for the venue of our quarterly drinks evening.
b) Asking if I can have a large punch.

I'm told I'll be ready to leave hospital and return to work on 26th Feb.

If you need anything while I'm healing, you can contact Rosie.

I'm out of the office until Monday 12th February 2018

My wife suggested I get out more, so I agreed to join one of the local clubs.
As luck would have it, it turned out to be a club for people who like being out of the office until Monday 12th February, which is great, because that's when I'm out of the office until.

Rosie and Lou are members of a club for people who can help you while I'm away. In fact I think they run it.

I'm out of the office until Monday 5th February 2018

If you don't really need this out of office reply, please consider donating it to someone who really needs it.

In the meantime you can contact Rosie or Lou if you require help while I'm away.

I'm out of the office until Monday 22nd January 2018

I am out of the office on a secret mission involving chocolate and television and will return on Monday 22nd January.

If you need anything while I'm away, please contact Lou or Rosie.

I'm out of the office until Monday 15th January 2018

As I am out of the office until 15th January, you should follow the instructions below:

Press button A if you need help from Rosie or Lou while I'm away from the office.
Press button B if you cannot see button A.
If neither buttons A or B are visible, press button C and a technician will be with you shortly.

Don't press button D.

I'm out of the office until Friday 5th January 2018

I went to the doctor's yesterday. He sat me down and told me that it looks like I'll have to be at work all week.
After I'd gotten over the shock, I asked him if there was anything that I could do and he gave me some pills that he said would at least keep me off work until Friday.

He also gave me some other pills that'll get Rosie to help out in case you need anything while I'm away.
Obviously you'll have to figure out how to get her to take them, but then you'll be sorted.