I'm out of the office until Tuesday 1st September 2015

You can think of me as the jam in the middle of a tasty cake.

Now, imagine that you've just bought a piece of the cake along with a nice cup of tea and then found out that the jam was missing!

You'd be within your rights to be pretty annoyed.

You paid for cake with jam in the middle and frankly, you've been let down.

You see, the office is a lot like a cake and although you might be expecting it to be filled with jam (remember, that's me), it's just not there.

Fortunately, it turns out that the cake is replete with delicious chocolate chips (that's Lou, Lindsay and Rosie). Just eat them all up and in no time you'll have forgotten all about the whole jam debacle.

Nomnomnomnomnom.

I'm out of the office until Monday 20th July 2015

They say that revenge is a dish best served cold, but the food poisoning I suffered yesterday suggests that it should be thoroughly heated through and preferably discarded if left out for too long.

Needless to say I'll be out of the office until I can no longer pass the "eye of the needle" test.

If you need anything while I'm away you can contact Lou, Lindsay or Rosie.

I'm out of the office until Thursday 16th July 2015

I always tell everyone that I'm married to my work.

But lately, we've not been seeing eye to eye and things have got so bad that we've agreed a trial separation, so I'll be out of the office until Thursday 16th July, just to give each other some space.

 Lou, Lindsay and Rosie are acting as go-betweens, so drop them a line if you need anything.

I'm out of the office until Friday 10th July 2015

Astronomers are waking up to news that I've been sighted in one of the outer arms of the galaxy, orbiting a T-class sun.

For them, it's an exciting discovery that many will see as the answer to one of the biggest questions in astrophysics.
For me it's an inconvenience which means I'll be out of the office until Friday 10th July.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay, Lou or Rosie.

I'm out of the office until Wednesday 8th July 2015

We've had builders in at work reconfigure the office.
They've just finished the last bit, but because of a spelling error on the plans, the whole building's been re-located to Bogotá, so I'll be unable to get to work until my visa application comes through.

If you need anything while I'm waiting, you can contact Lindsay, Lou, Rosie, or the Columbian authorities.