I'm out of the office until Wednesday 27th February 2013

Due to a time-share crime-fighting arrangement I will out be protecting the innocent and ridding the streets of crime for a few days, so I'll be back in the office on Wednesday 27th February.

If you need any help in the meantime, you can contact my sidekicks, Lindsay and Lou, but if you're planning to take advantage of the weak and helpless, I'll be seeing you very soon indeed, my friend.

I'm out of the office until Thursday 21st February 2013

I have harnessed the raw power of the sun an am using it to be out if the office.

If you need any help in the meantime, you can contact Lindsay or Lou.

I'll be back on Thursday, but if we bump into each other before then, it's probably best not to look directly at me.

I'm out of the office until Wednesday 6th February 2013

It's not really common knowledge, but as a teenager I contracted a chronic illness which stopped me from comprehending the obligations of full time employment. It's been an on-and-off battle since then and tragically, after a recent period of remission, I've suffered another attack and won't be in the office until 6th February.

While I'm recovering, you can contact Lindsay or Lou, both of whom have managed to avoid this devilish affliction.