I'm out of the office until Monday 1st Febrary 2014

During a recent archeological dig, I've unearthed the remains of an ancient temple.
The locals tell me that desecrating the ruins unleashes a terrible curse on whomsoever dares to cross the threshold, which is a bummer.
On the upside the curse is pretty mild and only renders me unable to work for a few days, so I'll be out of the office until it wears off.

If you need any help while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay or Lou, both of whom are cursed with being awesome.

I'm out of the office until Thursday 30th January 2014

I'm a delicate flower, swaying in the cool breeze of a moonlit night by the side of a quiet country stream.
So I'll be out of the office until I become a casually dressed man sitting at a desk in a office by a computer (with a packet of nuts and raisins in the top drawer of my filing cabinet).

If you need anything while I'm dancing with the wind, you can contact Lindasy or Lou.

I'm out of the office until Wednesday 22nd January 2014

Last night I had an areligious vision in which I saw a bright (if slightly clichéed) light and heard a voice commanding me to travel far from this place and spread a message of love, hope and absence from work.
As a result, not only will I be out of the office until 22nd January, but I would urge you to do the same.

If you need anything while I'm away, you should contact Lindsay or Lou, both of whom have yet to see the wisdom of the Way.

Oh, and you should also be hopeful and love people.

I'm out of the office until Monday 13th January 2014

While researching my family tree, I've managed to unearth our coat of arms.
It depicts a large building with a man walking away from it. Below it you can just make out the motto, written in Latin, which loosely translates as "I will be out of the office until Monday 13th January".

I've now explored the matter in much greater detail, but could find no mention about contacting Lindsay or Lou if you need anything while I'm away, which is strange... because you should.