I'm out of the office until Wednesday 2nd July 2014

I've become a famous multi-award-winning chef and now run a fabulous mountain-top restaurant frequented by A-list Hollywood stars, heads of state and wealthy businessmen.
Having said that, it's only part-time, so I should be back in the office on 2nd July.

If you need anything while I'm away, you should contact Lou or Rosie - unless you're looking for a starter or main course, in which case I think we have a table free in February.

I'm out of the office until Friday 27th June 2014

I've lost my list of things to do today - which is a bummer, because first on the list was to go to work. So I guess I'll be out the office until I can find it.

If you need anything in the meantime, you can contact Lou or Rosie.

I would have given them a copy (to avoid things like this happening), but that was one of the other things on the list.

I'm out of the office until Friday 20th June 2014

I'm having tea with a chatty old lady, who's continuously plying me with biscuits and cake.
It's one of those awkward situations where I really have to leave, but I can't seem to find the right time to excuse myself.
Normally I wouldn't complain, but it's been two days now and I really need to get back to the office.

If you need anything in the meantime you can contact Lindsay or Lou - but don't tell them about the cake or we'll all get stuck here.

I'm out of the office until Friday 13th June 2014

We've lost the office dictionary and so I'm unable to define exactly what the office is.
This being the case, I can't really guarantee that I'm going to be in it until we can nail down the proper meaning.

 If you need anything while I'm away you can contact Lindsay or Lou.
They looked it up online.

I'm out of the office until Thursday 12th June 2014

I've taken the blue pill, so I won't be in the "office" for a while.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay or Lou and see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Also, remember there is no spoon.

I'm out of the office until Friday 6th June 2014

In a recent survey at work, 80% of respondents were concerned that I wouldn't be in the office right now.
In the follow up study, it turned out that their concerns were well placed, as I'm out of the office until Friday 6th June.

Other results from the survey showed that 95% of people thought that you should contact Lindsay or Lou if you need anything while I'm away.

Alarmingly, most of those surveyed thought that there was a 50% chance that I would be only 35% in the office at any one time.