I'm out of the office until Friday 1st February 2013

I've suffered a minor injury while playing a game of the 'hunt the peanut'.

It's nothing serious, but I'll be out of the office until nature's taken it's course.

If you need any help in the meantime, you can contact Lou or Lindsay.

I'm out of the office until Wednesday 23rd January 2013

I've struck oil!!!!

Rig number 5 blew her top last night and it's been raining black gold ever since.

Me and the boys are going to be capping off the well later on today, before getting down to the serious business of making a heck of a load of money.

Naturally all this heavy physical labour is pretty time-consuming and that paperwork isn't going to do itself, so I'll be out of the office until Wednesday 23rd January.

If you need any help while I'm away, you can call on Lindsay or Lou.

When I get back you may notice that I'll be smoking a huge cigar, wearing a ten-gallon hat and looking pretty pleased with myself - get used to it, that's how I roll from now on.

I'm out the office until Wednesday 16th January 2013

As you will no doubt have realised by now,  I am not of this earth. 53 years ago I was sent to study your kind and I must now leave to deliver my initial findings. Consequently I'll be out of the office until Wednesday 16th January at which time I will return to continue my observations.

If you need any help in the meantime, you can contact the Earth natives,  Lindsay and Lou.

You'll be glad to hear that we mean you no harm, although we may consider selectively culling those of you who continue to wear very low slung trousers and designer underwear.

I'm out of the office until 11th January 2013

Where there is suffering, I will bring comfort.
Where there is hunger, I shall bring sustenance.
Where there is fear, I will bring courage.
Where there is darkness, I will bring light.

Where there is work, however, I will be out of the office until Friday 11th January.

Fortunately, where there us absence, there will always be Lindsay and Lou. You have but to contact them.

(Please note that where there is cake, they will bring tea).