As you will no doubt have realised by now, I am not of this earth. 53 years ago I was sent to study your kind and I must now leave to deliver my initial findings. Consequently I'll be out of the office until Wednesday 16th January at which time I will return to continue my observations.
If you need any help in the meantime, you can contact the Earth natives, Lindsay and Lou.
be glad to hear that we mean you no harm, although we may consider
selectively culling those of you who continue to wear very low slung
trousers and designer underwear.