I'm out of the office until Wednesday 3rd April 2013

You're like,
"Where are you, man?"
And I'm, like,
"Over here."
So you're, like,
"Dude, shouldn't you be in the office?"
And I'm, like, "No, man, I'm not there right now."
So then you're, like,
"Oh, I guess you must be someplace else."
And I'm, like,

Then Lindsay and Lou are, like,
"You could always talk to us about some stuff."
And you're, like,

I'm out of the office until Friday 22nd March 2013

'Ssup dogs?

For anyone who knows me well, it'll come as no surprise that I've recently become a massive hip hop legend. The flash-in-the-pan celebrity this affords me means that I've really got to make the most of the time I have at the top, so I've decided to leave the office for a few days in order to go large.

If you need any help while I'm away, you can call my crew, Lindsay and Lou, but if you need to get me in for a meeting, please bear in mind that I won't get out of bed for less than 20 large, feel me?

I'm out of the office until Wednesday 20th March 2013

We're doing a spot of spring cleaning in the Department, and while Chris is on holiday I've decided to replace our office with a new one. Unfortunately, even though I placed an order for a new office two weeks ago, it's been held up in customs and I've already ebayed the old one, meaning that I've got nowhere to work for a while.
As a result, I'll be without an office until Wednesday 20th March.

If you need anything in the meantime, you can try Lindsay or Lou, although I wouldn't count on getting a response - I ebayed them too.

I'm out of the office until Friday 15th March 2013

1. What's it all about?
2. Where did we come from?
3. Where are we heading?
4. Why are we all here?

I'll tell you:
1. Money and sex.
2. Eggs.
3. I've not been told yet, but I think it's somewhere foreign.
4. I'm not. I'm out of the office until 15th March.

Any other questions? Contact Lindsay and Lou. They have the rest of the answers.

I'm out of the office until Wednesday 13th March 2013

During a routine incursion into hostile territory I have inadvertently strayed into a high-density mine field.
As you can probably imagine, clearing a path to safety will be both risky and painfully slow, so I'll be out of the office until Wednesday 13th March.

If you need any help in the meantime, you can call Lindsay or Lou.


I'm out of the office until Tuesday 12th March 2013

Following an accident whilst on a visit to a nuclear reactor, my DNA has been altered and I have discovered a range of what I'm hesitant to describe as super-powers.

They are:
1. I can jump from tall buildings (admittedly only once).
2. I'm able to sense when people are near using only my hands (there is an injunction out, but it lapses mid October).
3. I am out of the office until Tuesday 12th March

Lindsay and Lou are working to find out if this last one can be reversed and you should contact them if you need help or if you want a progress report on the development of the antidote.

Whatever the outcome, there's no denying that human evolution has just experienced a massive leap forward.

I'm out of the ofice until Wednesday 6th March 2013

What is that?!?
Did you do that?!?
Man, that is really bad. I'm not staying here with that around - I'll be out of the office until until you're done cleaning it all up.
Lucky for you Lindsay and Lou aren't so sensitive, so I'm sure they can help you out until I get back. Personally I don't know how they can stand it.