I'm out of the office until Thursday 3rd March 2016

I've injured myself typing this out of office reply, so I'll be out of the office until I've recovered from the irony.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay, Lou or Lucy.

I'm out of the office until Tuesday 1st March 2016

The rumour mill works very fast round here.

I heard that you'd sent me an email about something and you got this automated response telling you that I was out of the office until Thursday 3rd March.

Someone also said that Lou, Lindsay and Lucy were dealing with my stuff while I was away - which I'd take with a pinch of salt if I were you.

In case you were wondering, the rumour that I am actually you is entirely groundless.

I'm out of the office until Monday 29th February 2016

I drove past a sign the other day.
It said, "All you can eat chicken dinner £5. Offer on for two weeks only."
Naturally I went in to check it out.

It was only after the fourth helping that I found out I had to actually stay in the restaurant for two weeks to validate the offer, so I'll be out of the office for longer than I thought.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay, Lou or Lucy.

Nomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnom.

I'm out of the office until Monday 15th February 2016

I was straining really hard the other night and done myself a mischief, so I'll be out of the office until the swelling's gone down.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay or Lou.

Reckon I've probably gone and torn a whatsit.

I'm out of the office until Friday 5th February 2016

I can't share any sensitive company information with you, so I'm not at liberty to discuss where I am right now. You're just going to have to get used to not knowing if I'm out of the office until Friday 5th February.
And don't go thinking that receiving this email implies my absence, because it doesn't.

If I did happen to be away and you needed something, you could always contact Lou or Lindsay, but don't go thinking that you'll be any wiser as to my whereabouts afterwards.

Come to think of it, I shouldn't really be telling you their names, either.