This week, instead of leaving the office, I've decided stay in exactly the same place.
Unfortunately I failed to take into account the movement of the earth though space and so, although I have remained stationary, the office's relative position has shifted and consequently I am no longer in it.
If you need anything while the office is away from me, you can contact Lindsay or Lou, both of whom have a much firmer grasp of the science surrounding these issues.
It's exactly these kinds of minor miscalculations that cost me the nobel.
I'm out of the office until Thursday 27th March 2014
I've lost control of my legs and they've taken me far, far away from here.
So I've arranged for a net to be laid across my path to ensnare me and once I've been caught and tranquillised, I'll be able to return to the office.
If you need anything while I'm gone, you can contact Lindsay or Lou - unless it's also happened to them, in which case, we're going to need more nets.
So I've arranged for a net to be laid across my path to ensnare me and once I've been caught and tranquillised, I'll be able to return to the office.
If you need anything while I'm gone, you can contact Lindsay or Lou - unless it's also happened to them, in which case, we're going to need more nets.
I'm out of the office until Monday 24th March 2014
I've been asked to act as consultant on a film about absence from work, so I'll be out of the office until Monday 24th March.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay or Lou.
Ironically it's exactly this kind of consistent non appearance in the workplace that gets me well-paid gigs like this.
I'm out of the office until Thursday 13th March 2014
Hi there, I've become a rich Nigerian prince and something terrible has happened to me (that's why I'm not in the office right now).
In order to access my vast reserves of wealth, I need your help.
Here's what to do:
Firstly, contact Lou or Lindsay.
Secrecy is of the utmost importance, so when you contact the girls, mention only that you need something to do with a film of some description.
They will understand that this is just a code and proceed accordingly.
Then give them all your bank details and hang up.
In order to access my vast reserves of wealth, I need your help.
Here's what to do:
Firstly, contact Lou or Lindsay.
Secrecy is of the utmost importance, so when you contact the girls, mention only that you need something to do with a film of some description.
They will understand that this is just a code and proceed accordingly.
Then give them all your bank details and hang up.
I'm out of the office until Thursday 6th March 2014
I've recently joined a historical reenactment society.
This week we're doing King Charles' famous raid on the empty offices of the Roundheads.
I'm playing one of the Roundheads and to make sure that we keep everything as authentic as possible, I'll be out of the office until Thursday 6th March - just like they were.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay or Lou.
They'll be playing the Cavaliers, so it's probably best to wait until the raid's begun, otherwise they won't be in either.
This week we're doing King Charles' famous raid on the empty offices of the Roundheads.
I'm playing one of the Roundheads and to make sure that we keep everything as authentic as possible, I'll be out of the office until Thursday 6th March - just like they were.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay or Lou.
They'll be playing the Cavaliers, so it's probably best to wait until the raid's begun, otherwise they won't be in either.
I'm out of the office until Tuesday 4th March 2014
On the way to the market the other day I met an old man who sold me some magic beans, which I took home and planted in the garden.
By morning a huge beanstalk had sprouted and grown far up into the clouds.
In the spirit of adventure, I decided to climb the beanstalk, but fell and injured my back, so I'll be bed-bound and out of the office until Tuesady 4th March.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay and Lou. One of them can lay golden eggs and the other one will likely eat you. Can't remember which is which.
By morning a huge beanstalk had sprouted and grown far up into the clouds.
In the spirit of adventure, I decided to climb the beanstalk, but fell and injured my back, so I'll be bed-bound and out of the office until Tuesady 4th March.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay and Lou. One of them can lay golden eggs and the other one will likely eat you. Can't remember which is which.
I'm out of theoffice until Friday 28th February 2014
I've joined a violent gang of bikers, high on drugs and hellbent on chaos, so it's probably better if I stay away from the office for a while.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay or Lou - unless it's something to do with extortion or robbery, in which case call me on my mobile and I'll see what I can do.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay or Lou - unless it's something to do with extortion or robbery, in which case call me on my mobile and I'll see what I can do.
I'm out of the office until Thursday 20th February 2014
Fearing I'd be late for work yesterday, I rushed to the office at such speed that I've wildly over shot and it'll take me several days to get back.
If you need anything while I'm away you can contact Lou or Lindsay, both of whom have the good sense to be less hasty.
If you need anything while I'm away you can contact Lou or Lindsay, both of whom have the good sense to be less hasty.
I'm out of the office until Friday 14th February 2014
I've become more powerful than you can possibly imagine and the insurers have insisted that I stay away from the office in case I mess everything up really badly.
If you need anything while I'm away, just think it and I'll make it happen.
Alternatively you can contact Lou or Lindsay.
If you need anything while I'm away, just think it and I'll make it happen.
Alternatively you can contact Lou or Lindsay.
I'm out of the office until Friday 10th February 2014
I don't actually work here.
Just like everyone else in my office, I'm just an actor employed to add ambiance to the vacant office buildings on the campus.
Our contracts run for a year and get renegotiated every January and it'll come as no great surprise that there's been some problems with the paperwork AGAIN!
So it looks I'll be out of the office until my agent can iron everything out.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay or Lou.
As you've probably guessed, those are just their stage names.
Just like everyone else in my office, I'm just an actor employed to add ambiance to the vacant office buildings on the campus.
Our contracts run for a year and get renegotiated every January and it'll come as no great surprise that there's been some problems with the paperwork AGAIN!
So it looks I'll be out of the office until my agent can iron everything out.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay or Lou.
As you've probably guessed, those are just their stage names.
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