Last night we went to a stage show featuring a hypnotist, who hypnotised me into believing that I had just been fired. Just as he was going to snap me out of it, the fire alarm went off and we all had to evacuate the venue.
Consequently, I still don't think I have a job, so I'll be out of the office until I've come to my senses.
If you need any help in the meantime, you can contact Lindsay or Lou.
On a related note, the guy also convinced me that I am His Holiness the Pope, so I'll be keeping myself busy waving from a balcony and kissing tarmac at the airport.
I'm out of the office until Tuesday 28th May 2013
We're playing this game in the office where we each take turns to remove something from the room and the others have to guess what's missing.
It's my turn and I've decided to remove myself, so I'll be out of the office until they've worked it out.
If you need any help while I'm hiding, you can contact Lindsay or Lou, but don't give them any clues.
Frankly, I'm a little concerned that they're taking so long to notice.
It's my turn and I've decided to remove myself, so I'll be out of the office until they've worked it out.
If you need any help while I'm hiding, you can contact Lindsay or Lou, but don't give them any clues.
Frankly, I'm a little concerned that they're taking so long to notice.
I'm out of the office until Monday 20th May 2013
Buddha teaches us that four things cannot be long hidden:
The sun
The moon
The truth
My absence from the office until Monday 20th May.
If you need further enlightenment, please be at one with Lindsay and Lou.
Ohmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
The sun
The moon
The truth
My absence from the office until Monday 20th May.
If you need further enlightenment, please be at one with Lindsay and Lou.
Ohmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I'm out of the office until 2nd May 2013
Following a freak flood and massive, simultaneous power surge, our freezer has malfunctioned and I've been encased in a huge block of ice. It's melting very slowly, but at the current rate, I should be able to return to the office on Thursday 2nd May.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lou and Lindsay.
Aaaaaaah, brainfreeze!
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lou and Lindsay.
Aaaaaaah, brainfreeze!
I'm out of the office until Thursday 25th April 2013
Last Monday I accidentally left the caps off 250 white board pens and I've been off my face all week.
It turns out that the fumes from the Xlene they put in those babies is highly addictive and I've had to book myself into a clinic to straighten out, so I'll be out of the office until Thursday 2nd May.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can call my pen dealers Lindsay and Lou.
It turns out that the fumes from the Xlene they put in those babies is highly addictive and I've had to book myself into a clinic to straighten out, so I'll be out of the office until Thursday 2nd May.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can call my pen dealers Lindsay and Lou.
I'm out of the office until Thursday 18th April 2013
One of my body parts has unexpectedly grown to an enormous size and it's now so large that I am unable to leave the house. As a result I'll be out of the office until it's gone down a bit.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay or Lou.
(If you can guess what it is, I'll have to a chocolate version of it made and sent to you).
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Lindsay or Lou.
(If you can guess what it is, I'll have to a chocolate version of it made and sent to you).
I'm out of the office until Monday 15th April 2013
I've become a knight and have been sent on a quest to find a rare religious artifact, so I'll be out of the office until I succeed.
Historically, this has been an arduous and time-consuming task, with only a marginal chance of survival, but since the advent of the internet, things have become considerably easier.
As it happens, all I had to do was go to Ebay and type in "Grail".
I'm currently the highest bidder.
If you need anything in the meantime you can speak to the fair maidens Lady Lindsay and Lady Lou.
Historically, this has been an arduous and time-consuming task, with only a marginal chance of survival, but since the advent of the internet, things have become considerably easier.
As it happens, all I had to do was go to Ebay and type in "Grail".
I'm currently the highest bidder.
If you need anything in the meantime you can speak to the fair maidens Lady Lindsay and Lady Lou.
I'm out of the office until Monday 8th April 2013
I have recently become foreign and I won't be able to understand anything you say.
I think it's like Finnish or something, so needless to say it's pretty complicated and I'm leaving the office for a while to avoid any confusion.
I've been assured that the English lessons I'm taking should help to get things back to normal and that I should be able to hold a decent conversation by the time I return on Monday 8th April.
If you need anything in the meantime you can speak to Lindsay or Lou. They've been affected as well, but you should be able to get by if you speak really slowly and raise your voice.
I've been assured that the English lessons I'm taking should help to get things back to normal and that I should be able to hold a decent conversation by the time I return on Monday 8th April.
If you need anything in the meantime you can speak to Lindsay or Lou. They've been affected as well, but you should be able to get by if you speak really slowly and raise your voice.
I'm out of the office until Wednesday 3rd April 2013
You're like,
"Where are you, man?"
And I'm, like,
"Over here."
So you're, like,
"Dude, shouldn't you be in the office?"
And I'm, like, "No, man, I'm not there right now."
So then you're, like,
"Oh, I guess you must be someplace else."
And I'm, like,
"S'right."
Then Lindsay and Lou are, like,
"You could always talk to us about some stuff."
And you're, like,
"Totally."
I'm out of the office until Friday 22nd March 2013
'Ssup dogs?
For anyone who knows me well, it'll come as no surprise that I've recently become a massive hip hop legend. The flash-in-the-pan celebrity this affords me means that I've really got to make the most of the time I have at the top, so I've decided to leave the office for a few days in order to go large.
If you need any help while I'm away, you can call my crew, Lindsay and Lou, but if you need to get me in for a meeting, please bear in mind that I won't get out of bed for less than 20 large, feel me?
For anyone who knows me well, it'll come as no surprise that I've recently become a massive hip hop legend. The flash-in-the-pan celebrity this affords me means that I've really got to make the most of the time I have at the top, so I've decided to leave the office for a few days in order to go large.
If you need any help while I'm away, you can call my crew, Lindsay and Lou, but if you need to get me in for a meeting, please bear in mind that I won't get out of bed for less than 20 large, feel me?
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