Following the mental breakdown of my cosmetic surgeon, a routine botox session went horribly wrong and I now look uncannily like Barry Manilow.
The worst part is that my house has been surrounded by late middle-aged women, desperate to tear off my clothes and there's just no way I can get out of the house, so you should probably get in touch with Rosie if you need help with anything.
I'm out of the office until Friday 21st October 2016
There's a loose connection in one of my wires, so I'll be working sporadically for the next few days and you won't be able to rely on me at all.
Best give Rosie, Lou or Lindsay a call if you need anything.
Best give Rosie, Lou or Lindsay a call if you need anything.
I'm out of the office until Wednesday 12th October 2016
I've been carried away by a giant bird (likely and Andean condor), so I'll be out of the office until something equally unlikely brings me back (probably a lynx).
If you need anything while I'm away, contact Lou, Lindsay or Rosie.
If you need anything while I'm away, contact Lou, Lindsay or Rosie.
I'm out of the office until Friday 30th September 2016
Someone in HR dropped their lunch on the job description section of my contract, so legally my role is now "low fat soft cheese" and I've been moved out of the office and into aisle three, next to the Pecorino.
If you need help while I'm away, you can contact Rosie, Lou or Lindsay.
If you need help while I'm away, you can contact Rosie, Lou or Lindsay.
I'm out of the office until Thursday 22nd September 2016
The guys in the office are performing a ritual sacrifice and I can't abide the sight of blood (not in those quantities), so I won't be coming in until they're done (and cleaned up).
If you need anything while I'm away, you can go and see Lou, Rosie, or Lindsay - but don't interrupt the incantation, or they'll pluck out your heart.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can go and see Lou, Rosie, or Lindsay - but don't interrupt the incantation, or they'll pluck out your heart.
I'm out of the office until Monday 19th September 2016
The people found me last night, aimlessly wondering the streets and so, naturally, they called the authorities.
Then the van turned up, then they shoved me into the back and drove off.
They put me in a cage in the corner and I'm not too sure what's going to happen now, but I'm definitely not going to make it into work, so call Rosie, Lou or Lindsay if you need anything.
If you do speak to the guys in the office, make sure and tell them to get me out of here. They'll need to turn up with proof of address and a record of my most recent vaccinations.
Then the van turned up, then they shoved me into the back and drove off.
They put me in a cage in the corner and I'm not too sure what's going to happen now, but I'm definitely not going to make it into work, so call Rosie, Lou or Lindsay if you need anything.
If you do speak to the guys in the office, make sure and tell them to get me out of here. They'll need to turn up with proof of address and a record of my most recent vaccinations.
I'm out of the office until Thursday 8th september 2016
I organised a meeting this week, inviting only one person - me.
In this meeting we were to discuss my poor record of attendance at work.
Unfortunately, shortly after sending out the invitation I received a phone call from myself in which I offered my apologies, saying that, sadly, I would be out of the office until Thursday 8th September and therefore unable to attend.
I then referred myself to Lindsay if I had any further queries and bid myself a very good day.
The minutes of the meeting will reflect that we were unable to establish a quorum.
In this meeting we were to discuss my poor record of attendance at work.
Unfortunately, shortly after sending out the invitation I received a phone call from myself in which I offered my apologies, saying that, sadly, I would be out of the office until Thursday 8th September and therefore unable to attend.
I then referred myself to Lindsay if I had any further queries and bid myself a very good day.
The minutes of the meeting will reflect that we were unable to establish a quorum.
I'm out of the office until Monday 5th September 2016
We had a massive clear out the other day and now the office looks just spiffy.
Turns out there was a whole heap of stuff we didn't need, so we bagged it all up and sent it off to be recycled.
What we didn't realise was that we'd been a bit overzealous and got rid of all my work days from 22nd August to 2nd September.
Sensibly, Lou, Rosie and Lindsay kept all theirs in a safe place, so they'll be around to help you out while I'm away.
You should also know that all of my hours at work are obtained from sustainable sources.
Turns out there was a whole heap of stuff we didn't need, so we bagged it all up and sent it off to be recycled.
What we didn't realise was that we'd been a bit overzealous and got rid of all my work days from 22nd August to 2nd September.
Sensibly, Lou, Rosie and Lindsay kept all theirs in a safe place, so they'll be around to help you out while I'm away.
You should also know that all of my hours at work are obtained from sustainable sources.
I'm out of the office until Monday 15th August 2016
The tests are back in and because of a rare genetic abnormality (from my mother's side), it seems that I'm slowly turning into tasty cakes.
It doesn't affect how I work, but the problem is that all the people in the office keep sneaking up and nibbling bits off me.
Without treatment, the condition will only worsen, so I'm taking some time off to convalesce.
Equally, if I stay at work, I'll be preyed upon by my colleagues until there's nothing left.
If you need anything while I'm away you can contact Rosie, Lou or Lindsay.
No, Lindsay! Leave my current buns alone!
It doesn't affect how I work, but the problem is that all the people in the office keep sneaking up and nibbling bits off me.
Without treatment, the condition will only worsen, so I'm taking some time off to convalesce.
Equally, if I stay at work, I'll be preyed upon by my colleagues until there's nothing left.
If you need anything while I'm away you can contact Rosie, Lou or Lindsay.
No, Lindsay! Leave my current buns alone!
I'm out of the office until Monday 8th August 2016
Our work has always been a beautifully choreographed ballet of endeavour.
For us to function so perfectly together, each of our movements must flow seamlessly from one to the next.
Unfortunately, I dance like a spanner, so I tend not to be in so much.
If you need anything while I'm away contact Rosie, Lou or Lindsay.
For us to function so perfectly together, each of our movements must flow seamlessly from one to the next.
Unfortunately, I dance like a spanner, so I tend not to be in so much.
If you need anything while I'm away contact Rosie, Lou or Lindsay.
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