I've fallen madly in love with everyone I work with - all 600 of them.
They're all just sooooooooo wonderful and it makes me go funny when I'm around them.
Sadly, they don't really feel the same way and a local Judge has declared that I'm no longer allowed within 1000 meters of any of them, so I'll be out of the office until I'm no longer deemed a threat.
If you need anything in the meantime you can call on Lindsay and Lou.
Give them my regards and tell them that, all things being well, they won't be needing the mace when I get back.