I'm out of the office until Tuesday 12th October 2021

 What's a nice person like you doing looking for a person who isn't here like me?

If you need any more catchy out-of-office-themed pickup lines, either wait till I return on 12th October, or contact Jo, who will probably tell you not to encourage me.

I'm out of the office until Friday 29th September 2021

 I was intending to avoid writing an out of office reply, but as you can see, I've failed.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Jo.

I'm out of the office until Monday 16th August 2021

This is the first time I've managed to balance a pencil on my nose and I want to see how long I can keep it going.

Understandably I'm not going anywhere 'till I drop it.

If you need anything while I'm out of the office, you can contact Jo. 

I'm out of the office until Monday 9th August 2021

My braces got caught on the door handle and every time I try to leave for work I end up being flung back against the door.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Jo. 

I'm out of the office until Monday 19th July 2021

Taking advantage of the move to flexible working arrangements, I've decided to be out of the office from home.

If you find this confusing, or if you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Carolyn.

I'm out of the office until Tuesday 12th July 2021

I've finally managed to get out of the hole I've figuratively dug for myself and I'm taking a couple of days off to recover from the effort. You could even say that this is an "out of orifice" reply, but only metaphorically speaking.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Phoebe.

I'm out of the office until 28th June 2020

I've fallen through a worm hole and can't get out (because of the physics), so I'll be away from the office until I can cross the event horizon.

If you need anything while I'm away, please contact Jo.

Surprised to see there are actual worms here.

I'm out of the office until 22nd June 2021

I've learned to fly by closing my eyes and saying the magic words, so I'll be out of the office until Tuesday, cruising the skies.

If you need anything while I'm away, please contact Jo.

Alternatively say my name three times, while waving a sprig of heather and I'll appear before you.

I'm out of the office until January 2nd 2020

I'm currently trying to get every last little bit out of a jar of Marmite, which means I'll probably be out of the office until January 2nd.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Sam or Lou.

Obviously it is a very tasty spread, but I can't help feeling that this obsession says much more about me than it does about the Marmite.

I'm out of the office until Monday 8th July 2019

I'm on an expedition to the Andes so I'll be out of the office until Monday 8th July.

You may be interested to know that, before we reach the mountains, our journey will take us to the end of the Wristies. In addition, we'll be travelling through a number of towns and villages, all of whom have names based on the punchlines to trite jokes.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Sam.