I'm out of the office until 11th January 2013

Where there is suffering, I will bring comfort.
Where there is hunger, I shall bring sustenance.
Where there is fear, I will bring courage.
Where there is darkness, I will bring light.

Where there is work, however, I will be out of the office until Friday 11th January.

Fortunately, where there us absence, there will always be Lindsay and Lou. You have but to contact them.

(Please note that where there is cake, they will bring tea).

I'm out of the office until Monday 7th January 2013

I have just founded a new religious movement based on the lyrics to Baz Luhrmann's seminal 1999 hit, "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)" and need some time to get it off the ground, so I'll be out of the office until 7th January.

I understand that I'm up against some pretty tough competition, what with it being Chritmas and all, but if you are in need of a new spiritual direction, or if you need to get in touch with me, I'll be on the ususal number, my child.

I'm out of the office until Monday 24th December 2012

During a failed homage to Houdini, I have trapped myself in a mahogany sideboard. It's still my intention to free myself without the aid of the emergency services, but you should be aware that I will be out of the office until I can escape.

If you need anything in the meantime, you can contact Lindsay.

I'm out of the office until Thursday 20th December 2012

A lot of people have been asking me about how to be out of the office, so I agreed to post up this quick guide.

You're going to need the following items:
1. An office
2. A place to go to (not the office)

Simply start by being in the office, then just leave and go to the place that isn't the office. Once you have left the office, you could try telling people that you're no longer there, by leaving an out of office reply.

Here's one I prepared earlier:
"I am out if the office until 20th December 2012, if you need anything while I'm away, please contact Lindsay or Lou."

What could be easier.

I'm out of the office until Monday 17th December 1012

I've been involved in a fight with a girl.
She beat me pretty badly and so I won't be back in the office until the embarrassment has subsided.

If you need any help in the meantime, contact Lindsay or Lou.

For the record, if push came to shove I'm pretty sure I could take them, but this whole thing's really shaken my confidence, and I'll probably just leave it.

I'm out of the office until Monday 10th December 2012

I'm being modified and won't be in the office until 10th December.

If you need any help in the meantime you can contact Lindsay or Lou.

On the upside I should be extra awesome when I get back (not least because of the new cup holders).

Im out of the office until Monday 3rd December

I'm researching a short story based on the life of a man who leaves the office for a few days, so I'll be out of the office until 3rd December.

If you need any help in the meantime you can contact my editors, Lou and Lindsay.

In the long run, I'm pretty sure this'll help me to get a greater understanding of the issues surrounding absence from work.

I'm out of the office until 20th November 2012

I'll be honest, our recently adopted "naked workplace initiative" is really freaking me out, so I'll be out of the office until 20th November- hopefully things will be back to normal by then.

If you need anything while I'm away, you can go and see Lindsay or Lou, but if you're offended by unfettered views of the human body, it's probably best to just phone or email.

I'm out of the office until 14th November 2012

I'm in a very slow moving queue waiting to buy something really popular.
I'm sorry I can't get you any, but I've only brought enough money for one and it looks like there's only a few left as it is.
The guy in front of me said he'd been waiting for two days already, so I guess this means I won't be able to make it back to the office until 14th November.

If you need anything while I'm waiting, please contact Lindsay or Lou.

I wouldn't get too jealous if I were you, most of the big ones have gone and to be frank, the ones that are left look a bit limp.

I'm out of the office until 7th November 2012

I appear to have upset one of the local aristocrats regarding which one of us will be out of the office until 7th November.
An altercation ensued and he has challenged me to a duel.
I was given the choice of weapons and have opted for pistols, but what my antagonist doesn't realise is that I am a crack shot and consequently I feel confident that it will be I who is away from the office until 7th November.

If you want to discuss the rules of engagement, please contact Lindsay or Lou, my batmen (or batpeople, if you wish)