I’ve really gone and put my foot in it and now I can’t seem to get it out, so I’ll be out of the office until the vaseline arrives.
If you need anything while I’m away, you can contact Jo.
Maybe I should use some elbow grease.
I'm out of the office until Tuesday 2nd January 2024
I’m taking time off to attend a birthday celebration. Normally I’d just go out for a meal or something, but this one’s pretty special, so I’ll be out of the office until 2nd January 2024.
If you need anything while I’m away, you can contact Jo or Carolyn. Although you might have trouble getting in touch with them, because they’ve been invited too.
As have you.
I'm out of the office until Friday 20th October 2023
I want a pony!
I want a pony and I'm not coming back to the office until I get one!
If you need anything while I'm away, please contact Jo.
I'm out of the office until Wednesday 18th October 2023
I can't decide what to wear, so I'll be out of the office until I can find that outfit that says "he's a confident go-getter", while hinting that I have a sensitive side.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Jo.
I'm out of the office until Tuesday 6th June 2023
There’s a chance that the Police might be chasing me, so I’ll be in hiding until it’s safe to come out. Probably Tuesday.
If you need anything while I’m away, you can contact Jo.
This is ridiculous. I haven’t done anything wrong and I’m minded to write a strongly worded letter to someone important.
I'm out of the office until Wednesday 22nd March 2023
"Look out - giant birds!" they shouted. But it was too late, and now I'm having to hike back to the office from their cliff top aerie.
The Sherpas guiding me back to base camp all agree it'll be around 22nd March before I can get home, but if you need anything while I'm away you can contact Jo.
I'm out of the office until Monday 16th January 2023
I've offered to read a story to the children in a local orphanage, but they unanimously asked for "War and Peace", so I'll be out of the office until Monday 16th January.
If you need anything while I'm away you can contact Jo.
Kids these days, eh?
I'm out of the office until Wednesday 14th December 2022
I was getting dressed to leave for work, when I realised that I'd accidentally left my only pair of trousers in Birmingham (long story).
I'm having them shipped back to me, but I've been told they won't arrive for another two weeks. Obviously I can't go to the office like this, so I guess I'll just sit here in my pants until they get here.
If you need anything while I'm away you can contact Jo.
I'm out of the office until Wednesday 19th October 2022
I've accidentally set the snooze on my alarm clock for two weeks, so I'll be back on Wednesday 19th October.
You can contact Jo, Carolyn or Dana if you need anything in the meantime.
I'm out of the office until Monday 28th March 2022
I'm undergoing a firmware upgrade, so I'll be out of the office waiting for the progress bar to finish before a full reboot.
If you need anything in the meantime, please contact Jo.
Updated features will include a new colour scheme and interactive trousers.
I'm out of the office until Monday 28th February 2022
I'm under the impression that you're out to get me, so I've left the office until Monday to avoid whatever it is you're planning.
If you need anything while I'm away, you should contact Carolyn.
I say "anything", but of course my premature return is off the table.
I'm out of the office until Monday 7th February 2022
There's a very low probability that I'll be in the office before Monday 7th February. It's so unlikely, that you'd be wise to assume I'm not there.
If you need anything while I'm sure to be away, you should almost certainly contact Jo, who is definitely excellent.
I'm out of the office until Monday 24th January 2022
After attending a ten step course on avoiding responsibility (in which we were encouraged to leave after the first four steps), I'll be out of the office until next Monday.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Jo.
I'm out of the office until Monday 17th January 2022
Following an increase in admin, I've sustained a lot of paper cuts and I'm avoiding all potentially lemon juice based activities - including work.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Jo.
I'm out of the office until Monday 29th November 2021
After being mistaken for a stray, I've been sent to the dogs' home, so if you need anything while I'm waiting for a new owner, you can contact Jo.
(I've been deloused and come fully house trained if it helps sway your decision)
I'm out of the office until Monday 15th November 2021
I'm picking a different theme at work each week to spice things up a bit. This week's theme is not being here.
Contact Jo if you need any help while I'm away.
I'm out of the office until Monday 8th November 2021
I’ve recently been attending a short course on writing messages providing information for people who want to get in touch with me in my absence.
It wasn’t very good, so contact Jo if you need any help while I'm away.
I'm out of the office until Wednesday 20th October 2021
My parents warned me about people who sneak up behind you while you work and steal you away from your desk for a few days.
Like a foolish child, I ignored them and now I'll be out of the office until Wednesday 20th October.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Jo.
I'm out of the office until Tuesday 12th October 2021
What's a nice person like you doing looking for a person who isn't here like me?
If you need any more catchy out-of-office-themed pickup lines, either wait till I return on 12th October, or contact Jo, who will probably tell you not to encourage me.
I'm out of the office until Friday 29th September 2021
I was intending to avoid writing an out of office reply, but as you can see, I've failed.
If you need anything while I'm away, you can contact Jo.
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